My dear daughter is just about 5 months old, and try as I might I cannot get her to sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time.  Before you jump on me and say “Two hours! I’d love a two hour break during the day! What are you complaining about??”, I am not referring to nap time (the word has no meaning in my household!).  I am sure I am not alone when I complain that my dear little babe sleeps no more than two hours a time at night.

It hasn’t always been this way.  For a few weeks, she would nod off at about 10pm and wake when my husband got up for work at 5:30am.  After a quick feeding, she’d be back to sleep until about 7 and then we’d be up for the day. I mistakenly complained then that I wished she’d let me sleep in.  Now I wish she’d let me sleep at all!!  I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden she was back to waking every two hours, and its been that way for about two months now.  Needless to say, I am absolutely exhausted.

When I complain to family and friends, the response nearly 90% of the time is, “Have you tried letting her cry it out?”  I cringe at the very thought.  The honest truth is, I have tried to let her “cry it out”.  When she was about 6 weeks old, I awoke one night to her cries and let out an audible sigh, which in turn woke my husband.  I began to cry myself – as a new parent and with no end in sight I did not see how I could carry on this way.  He suggested I let her cry and see if she would fall back asleep on her own.  In my sleep deprived state I did not disagree – maybe, just maybe, my family and friends were right. Maybe she would fall back asleep on her own and so could I.  I lay awake listening to her crying out into the blackness of her bedroom, pausing in between gasps as if straining to hear my footsteps, the sound of impending comfort.  After an hour of complete agony I could bear this no longer, and ran to her side.  Her face was soaked as tiny teardrops sprang from her clenched eyes.  I decided at that point that “crying it out” was not for us.

Every family is different, and I by no means am an expert or an experienced parent.  I do, however, know what is right for me and for my baby.  That being said, I can’t get by on two hour stretches of sleep!!  In search of a better way, I have been referred to the “No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley.  After reading through the first chapters, I am so far in agreement with the author and am eager to make this work for us!  The first step is to complete logs of naptimes, the pre-bedtime routine and the night wakings for a 24 hour period.  We’ll be starting tomorrow, and I will be blogging daily about our progress until we can both finally rest!

I’d love to hear from other parents who have tried this method, or had success with other techniques

Prior to the birth of our first child, I had heard about co-sleeping (or the “family bed”) and quickly dismissed it due to both safety and comfort issues.  I was concerned that, once my baby was born, either myself or my husband would roll over onto the baby, or that she would roll out of the bed completely.  As well, I (incorrectly) assumed that sharing a bed with my baby would foster a dependency on me that would be hard to shake when she became a toddler.  However, now that my little one has arrived I have done a complete 360.  Here’s why:

1)  Breastfeeding:  I always planned to exclusively breastfeed, and as a first-time mom did not realize how difficult it would be, mostly due to nighttime feedings.  My daughter wakes to eat roughly every hour and a half, and cluster feeds once a night for at least two hours.  We started out having her in a crib in her own room, and getting out of bed to sit with her in her room for feedings is exhausting and frustrating. Having her right next to us in bed means more sleep for me and more comfortable feedings for both mom and baby.  As well, not having to disturb her by pulling her out of her warm crib (and thereby completely wakening her) helps her to fall asleep after eating faster and with less fussing.

2) Peace of mind: Even with the baby monitor beside my bed, I find myself unable to get to sleep wondering if the silence means she has stopped breathing or is merely asleep.  I check on her often throughout the night, which usually ends up waking my husband, the dog and the baby!! Co-sleeping allows us to constantly check on her, and often we fall asleep lulled by the sounds of her peaceful breathing.

3)  Quicker response time (Secure Attachment): The debate between letting your baby “cry it out” and responding immediately shows no sign of letting up anytime soon, however if you subscribe to the theory that immediate and appropriate response to your infant’s needs will foster a secure attachment, increased capability for communication and a stronger bond between parent and child, co-sleeping should be a no brainer for you.  Having our newborn next to us at night ensures that either my husband or I are able to respond to her needs faster than when she was in her own room, resulting in a calmer little girl who cries less frequently (and less frustration for mom and dad!)

4) Getting baby to sleep:  As new parents, we learned very quickly that newborns don’t sleep through the night (or, at least ours didn’t).  This lack of sleep has (so far) been the single most frustrating part of parenting for us.  Waking up to attend to our little one, not knowing what she needs, and operating on two hours of sleep each night for several weeks at a time caught up to us and hit us hard and fast.  As soon as we started sharing a family bed, our sleep increased dramatically.  Being able to respond right away to our child helpes her to get back to sleep with less fuss, and knowing Mom and Dad are only an arms reach away means she sleeps for longer stretches each night. I cannot express enough how this has helped us maintain our sanity and bettered our relationship with our baby.

All of this being said, we still wrestled with the safety issues of co-sleeping when we began. Pillows stacked on the side of the bed took up alot of space, and we both slept very lightly for fear she would either roll off the bed or become wedged between the mattress and the bedroom wall or other crevice.  An extensive search of parenting forums confirmed these are common worries for new parents.  After trying several different methods, I came across the Family Co Bed Sleeper.  Essentially its a large pad made of organic cotton that sits on top of your bed attached to a 5 foot ‘tube’ that blocks the entire side of the bed (an unexpected bonus is the pad is quite absorbent, so I am not washing my breastmilk soaked bedding every day!!)

Co-sleeping may not be for everyone, but I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to continue breastfeeding if my husband and I hadn’t given it a try.  And there is no way I would have made it through the every-30-minute cluster feedings that occured during the three and six week growth spurts (I didn’t know I could survive on such little sleep!!)